Well hello all!
It's been a long time ... over three and a half months in fact since my last blog post.
Why the gap when I was so prolific previously?
Simple; preoccupation with moving - well actually - not moving.
I say "not moving" as although we might like to move, we don't NEED to move and indeed although we are, as it were, 'open to offers' (that's coded language for on the market) nobody's interested.
Yes we went on the market two calendar months ago and no one is interested (not so far - and I have a hunch - not at all). That's all another story for another time.
So, what about the title of this brand new, out-of-the-blue blog [post] (which ain't as easy to say as to write)?
So why am I writing about people crying?
I am trying to highlight (as I approach a significant birthday at the end of this month) the importance of being able to express your emotions and indeed just plain expressing yourself (never mind the emotions!) - this all compared to sweeping everything 'under the carpet'.
The latter is of course The British Way. The British are often portrayed as reserved and unemotional.
Over the years I have come to realise that, for example, my three grown-up children and indeed their mother (my ex-wife) are all good examples of The British Way - not wishing - or maybe incapable - (of 'taking the brake off' and) of expressing their emotions.
I, other the other hand, are the converse. Whether I want to or not I struggle to keep my emotions bound-up. In principle I happen to believe that expressing one's emotions (not at inappropriate times) is not only OK but is actually good for one. When I say "not at inappropriate times I mean if one was held by terrorists and they made a video - better not to cry - which would be interpreted negatively by all viewers. If one was The Prime Minister and making one's departure speech - possibly better not to cry (as she did) although it gave one a unique experience of empathy, even sympathy.
The thing that's prompted me to write this blog post is that a few days ago I was just coming out of a deep depression caused by an exchange with one of my two sons. Sadly and unjustly that depression affected my wife (who is also my lover, not meant necessarily in a sexual sense - moreso in terms of affection) very badly. If you love someone and you see them hurt and believe that that hurt was heartless and spiteful you're going to feel almost as upset as the one that was directly upset by events.
So, yes I know, you want to know what happened don't you? One reader will already know as that reader might be my son, Neal. This is not Facebook. I used to (about three to four years ago) be an avid Facebook user, that was until I started to see how it could be used so maliciously and how the proprietors failed totally to intervene, suggesting that their rule was to maintain so-called free speech. Anyway - so I came off (mostly as a result of my wife and I being vilified, totally unjustly on Facebook, sometimes by total strangers that had been incited by neighbours). - That too is another story for another time. So, in consequence my only kind of Facebook is this - my blog - my only public way of expressing myself without being blocked by anyone (as can be done on Facebook of course).
What happened?
My son is married to a girl whose parents live in Shrewsbury. I have only met those parents at the wedding of my son and daughter-in-law and they appear to be 'good upstanding people' (whatever that could be). So, I thought fairly reasonably, I asked my son (who spends a lot of time with his in-laws in Shrewsbury, the county town of Shropshire of course) if he knew of, or his in-laws knew of, any B & Bs that we could utilise as we wanted to explore (an area unknown to me) The Shropshire Hills AONB (Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty) as we half-fancied moving there (another story some time). My son at first said he might ask a friend who lived there (no mention of the in-laws) and then in a casual throw away line in a WhatsApp text said "isn't that what Trip Advisor is for?" - I'd already stated that obviously I could do self-research (as I am computer literate) but someone in the know is always helpful but he clearly wanted nothing to do with my request and expressed that dismissively at best and rudely and coldly at worst. It was the latter undoubtedly.
I am convinced that there is a hidden agenda here - much more going on than may be obvious to someone reading this or a casual observer. My son Neal, out of all three offspring has always had a problem with me (his 'distant dad'). He was approaching toddlerhood when his mother and I split-up, so he was the youngest child so I suppose he has a bit of an excuse for having no (or little) relationship with me. He was probably closer to his mother's live-in lover (partner I suppose I should say) who also left when he was, I think, approaching, or in, his teens - so he may have a distrust of anything resembling a father.
My son, Neal, wonderfully, became a dad himself recently and he has a delightful little daughter Orla and since her birth, Neal seemed to 'soften' a little towards me but every time I start to feel positive that things are improving with he and I relationship-wise, suddenly I get 'kicked in the teeth'. It may be a throw-away comment or what he classes as humour or actions that indicate not negativity but hate or that I am dispised. I see similar but not so extreme behaviour from his siblings from time to time and indeed from my ex-wife occasionally (whom I 'bump into' here and there at family gatherings).
So, to get more to the point ...
I told him that he offended me and he said I was too sensitive and I retorted that the perpetrator was insensitive and there has been no contact since (a week or so). I have also had 'run-ins' with my other son and my daughter over various matters and they share info and gang-up. Despite all this I have received Fathers' Day cards from all three offspring (and one from grandchildren too) and even a gift from my middle son, Owen. There was what could be deemed snide humour (from Neal's card) - even from Owen's (but not spiteful) if one could class it as humour from the words on it, but I rather like humour and can even take it when I am the butt of it - but not when designed to hurt. I am happy to join in the laughter but not to feel hurt whilst others laugh as that is spitefulness.
Thus, increasingly I am being forced to conclude that they (my offspring and the ex) are quite diametrically different from me (and my wife for that matter) in that they are under carpet sweepers and I and to a degree my wife are look at the dust people. Everything they do suggests this - avoiding what is at the heart of problems - issues, whereas I want to examine issues - head-on and resolve them or accept them as may be possible.
I cry at the drop of a hat, my wife less so and my blood relatives, it seems, not at all. I certainly had a cry about recent times. I don't hold back because I know that crying is good for you. They don't follow this. I read this article: Does crying actually make you feel good? I also read: Is being reserved such a bad thing?
I am going to have to accept that we're different and they don't understand me and I don't understand them. Sadly, I suspect ultimately that may mean separation and we and the grandchildren will undoubtedly miss each other and either way none of us lasts forever, but I do not expect that veiled 'threat' to carry any weight either (I wouldn't call it a threat - they would - it's a truism).
Happy Fathers' Day and Happy Special Birthday - I say to me - no one else gives a damn (oh except my wife of course - to whom I apologise for being such a misery of late).
I love you Jane. I love them too but I am but a speck to them. - A spot of dust under the carpet?
