I suddenly had a thought. Why am I telling you all this? Oh
yes I remember, I got this weird job that you interviewed me for, that of
narrator in some kind of... is it a play about how cruel life was in years gone
by for anyone exposed to society’s mental health ‘solutions’?
This new thing called Google – well it’s bloody amazing. Who
would ever have guessed that the bloke that ‘invented’ Cane Hill mental
hospital was a bloody Mr. Moody... for fuck’s sake is that a wind-up or what? I
dare not read any more of the stuff about mental hospitals, despite my new
role. I just cannot keep a straight face. The Commissioners for Lunacy found
some architect who almost had a good name too, not Mr. Howl, but almost – Mr.
Howell. Imagine going to dinner at a friend’s house and doing a bit of
networking; that thing that was once ‘mingling’. Then people saying oh what
line are you in? That’s how people used to ask – there was even a show once on
TV called What’s my Line? – And then you just come out with it, real cool and
casual...I’m a Commissioner for Lunacy.
Jesus – follow that – what a conversation stopper. – Wonder
if that job ever got guessed on What’s My Line?
Sorry, been told to stop here. Apparently my brief was to
tell you this stuff in 350 words max and I’ve blown it – lost the bloody job
too – apparently, so the text says:
Please desist. Kindly relinquish your position with
immediate effect. A severance of £250 has been paid directly into your bank
account and we thank you for your contributions but we have concluded that you
are likely to generate the same level of attention from the legal profession as
Mr. Hislop of Private Eye.
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