Friendship (No 1 - thus indicating that there could be more posts - but maybe not)

I hinted at doing a post on this delicate subject - so here I go 'in at the deep end' as usual (with this touchy subject that will no doubt have me drowned in no time).

Friends (my attempt at a definition - what do I think friends ought to be?):

The following is my ideal top ten attributes ...

1. Friendly.
2. Wise and mature (meaning that if you have a disagreement they will not let it affect the friendship).
3. Genuine - not two-faced - what you see is what you get.
4. Thoughtful.
5. Going the extra mile - putting themselves out a bit to help the friend (me in this example).
6. Able to talk about all subjects.
7. Able to be emotional without self-consciousness.
8. Able to drop by at any time (and reciprocating).
9. Comfortable hugging.
10. Consistent - not all over the place (hot & cold, up and down).

I tend to dive straight in with friends - and I frequently get admonished for it by my wife who is much more reticent, conservative and cautious over friends. She says that I am all over people and then get disappointed when they turn out to be shallow. She prefers a slower approach. I am very gregarious - she's not.

Some friend experiences (all 10 are accurate and all anonymous):

• Had (no have I should say) one who wanted to borrow a large sum of money and she stated that if I declined we would still be friends. I declined and we are (just about - any difficulties were not related to the potential loan issue).
• Have one (well a whole family really) but regarding him - he's zany, like me very outspoken, satirical, very funny, very direct and it doesn't matter that we see him (or the family) once every year or so - he and they are always the same - welcoming, friendly, genuine and refreshingly piss-taking (with a smile). 
• Have one that offered a large sum of money - if we ever needed it. We likewise have offered that to her too and she did have a recent circumstance where she may have needed it - didn't in the end.. We have little ups and downs here and there but our three-way friendship has lasted for years and long may that continue.
• Got two rather older than us friends that are up there in terms of what I would say are our most genuine and reliable (and very kind).
• Got a really good mate who I would think would do anything that he thought I needed in terms of help. We are also very much on the same wavelength and intellectually but socially we are very different. I like people - he's not bothered.
• Got another on and off mate and we often argue about stuff and fall out, then we're OK again.
• Got two friends (a couple) that are reliably genuine and we see each other fairly often - both socially and for practical things.
• Got a fairly long-term female friend who is a confirmed post-marriage, post-widowhood, post divorce spinster # who like us is into equestrianism (ah ha - you're thinking - this one will be easily identified).
• Met a couple in a pub - like us are music fans - he seemed intellectually stimulating, she just pleasant. Had a meal each at each others homes - then met at a gig and he was a changed weird person - being very 'standoffish' and saying "we'll get our own drinks" and acting as though they didn't want to sit with us. - A mystery - needless to say we are only on nodding acquaintance now.
• Got two fellow music fans we see every month or so. Consistent. Good company. We are on totally different wavelengths politically but we get by.

# Notes re the word spinster:
Here is the Wiki definition. It's an interesting word which of course derives from women that spun wool (and stayed at home doing that and gradually the word became associated with unmarried women). It tends to be used in a slightly derogatory way - meaning that the woman concerned may be 'unmarriageable' or in some way 'on the shelf' as is often used as an expression today. In addition the friend I refer to above has indeed been married (not once) and as far as I know was once widowed and once divorced - so one might conclude that when I use that term spinster that I may be misusing the word but I actually spoke to her about it and she is not offended. Good for her.

The above (bulleted list) is true and is a foray into a selection, not all, of our friends. My wife is not a happy bunny at all with this type of post. I am. She wants it vetted. It won't be. - Not being a chauvinist (I'm not) - just being assertive. This is my blog.

Of course there are some ex-friends too - people that let you down, disappoint you or even worse.

What kind of friend am I?

Well, I'd like to think that I would be all and more of the above attributes that I would seek in a friend.

Finally - my wife (and this is not her blog - it's mine) has said that she wants a disclaimer put that these comments (she probably means the entire blog) are mine and not hers. She for example wanted to say that one above mentioned friend (a joint friend) is probably her best friend whereas I have (as it is my blog not my wife's) indicated that another person(s) are higher up the friend 'pecking order' so to speak (but actually the scenario is a little confusing as each of the contenders for 'best friend' are rather clouded in that one is more a friend of mine and one is more a friend of my wife's) although we carry on rather as though all are our joint friends - confusing ....

I have just got a friend (right now and here) - doesn't matter which one - and my wife - to both read this latest post and they both say that I (it) will cause offence - well that won't be the first time - nor the last no doubt. It seems to me that honesty is not as high up the ladder of importance with some people (or most people perhaps) as it is with me. I am uninhibitedly honest - that may include lack of diplomacy but as far as I am concerned the above information contained in this blog is A) HONEST and B) anonymous - i.e. no friend's name appears - it may be vaguely possible for some friends to have a go at identifying other friends but that will be pure speculation on their part. At least they're all friends - although my wife might speculate that they won't be for long, once they read the blog. What I say is this - is any of what I have put untrue? No of course it isn't. Is anyone identified? No. Note that not all our friends know each other either and nobody should assume that we discuss our friends much anyway with anyone. I don't see why I should be made to feel guilty at posting a factual account of friends. Yes my approach to stuff may be unusual and very open but personally I think that the world would be a better place with more honesty and openness.

The friend, incidentally that just read this post (about friends) and whom I told where that person was in the list - well that person (male or female) suggested that I give some fictitious stuff so as nobody could identify themselves - sorry but that is fraudulent, dishonest and not my style at all. This blog is about honesty - not deception. If one cannot be honest in one's own blog - might as well not bother with a blog - if it's all a lie.

I well recall a friend (who as far as I am concerned is no longer a friend and whom is unlikely to be given a link to this blog anyway - well not by me) who keeps contacting me or us from time to time and clearly is blissfully unaware why we (or I at least) have no further contact with as to what caused the fall-out. It's this:

A) She boasted to us one day (by way of trumping us on our anecdote that I had discussed about how we had been awarded £100 [compensation] by negotiation as the company we had dealt with failed to process an investment satisfactorily). Her trumping boast was this:
She said that she had bought cheaply a pair of designer shoes in a charity shop, wore them for a while and when they became shoddy-looking she went in to a shop within the designer shoe group and claimed that these shoes that she had bought from the designer group (a lie of course - she's bought them in a charity shop) had failed in some way and that she should be given a full refund but she'd lost the receipt. They in the end agreed to give her a £10 voucher. I call that fraud. I also find it disgusting that items bought at a charity shop (to assist a charity) are then used fraudulently to try to gain a full refund at the manufacturer's retail outlet. To me this is all-round disgusting behaviour but to her she was proud of her enterprise and initiative and tried to use it as a trumping story over my (boast I suppose) of my £100 negotiated settlement in a genuine case of a company exercising maladministration.

B) she's in the habit of wheedling out one's personal information which I suspect is then circulated amongst local people. She is aware of a particular local woman that I do not get along with, but frequently I see her gossipping to that woman in the street, so, much as there are aspects of this former friend that I am tempted to offer sympathy with, I have to draw a line under our former friendship as she really isn't my kind of person. Whether she'll ever see this blog I don't know but if she does she'll see why we are no longer friends.

Family? ...

... Well that's another story and would take more than a post or twenty - how long have you got?