Yesterday morning I had the long awaited Doctor appointment at my usual surgery.
She was generous enough to give me twice the standard ten minute slot but still I felt that it was very tight time-wise to discuss all the issues that affect my worsening health situation.
Of course, when I make statements like that "my worsening health situation" I think about all the people who are far worse off than me. I have only lost the use of one limb (my left arm) and my pain is mostly being sufficiently dampened using a co-codamol (sorry spelling probably a bit off there) type drug that I have to remember to take at the maximum level which is 8 tablets per 24 hours (so two are taken roughly every six hours) which means at midnight, 6 a.m., 12 noon, 6 p.m. I am 'on the pill', daily. I top up if needed with morphine.
Frankly, from my point of view, I feel that dealing with the relevant facts, medically, through my doctor, is like wading through mud. I never feel that she is on quite the same wavelength as me. My wife who accompanied me into the appointment thought she was OK - so I want that point to be made too. The missing ingredient for me was - empathy - maybe even a little sympathy too. I did not feel that we connected. I felt as though I was a commodity - a number - just passing through the system. That does not mean that there would be much more that the doctor could do - given the NHS today - but I just do not feel that matters are progressing satisfactorily.
I have friends who are almost begging me to 'go private'. I raised this possibility with her yesterday and she stated that nothing would be any faster at the present juncture. We will re-visit that possibility in a week or so after I have had my steroid injection(s) and my doctor wants me to feed back how I get on with that.
This blog is supposed to be about my writing! - Don't laugh!
I have ended-up with all these no doubt (to any reader) boring accounts of my health! The reason I am writing about my health (and tonight - well this a.m. I am doing it two handed - which is better than the last few posts) is because I wake every night with a degree of pain despite the pills. Last night we slept apart as my wife was exhausted and I disturb her. Just now (this night) she was selfless enough and missing me enough to sleep with me - so I have crept around as quietly as possible and who knows if she is asleep or not? I hope so - but I bet she wakes as I return to bed in an hour or so when it'll be about 3 a.m.
We normally lead a fairly sociable life but I have, very unusually for me, drawn-in the strings of 'outgoingness' this last week as neither of us are well enough to handle our normal pace. In addition, jobs are piling-up at home - DIY stuff (that we always have on the go) and general tasks are more or less halted. We have quite a few friends but frankly very few are genuine and selfless enough to offer any help and most know about our present situation. I think people fear commitment ... in theory they might be OK with doing the odd thing for someone but they sure don't want to get caught with any longer term commitments!
Update 10 a.m. Saturday after this blog was published some hours before:
Had a call from a good friend this a.m. who had read my blog and he and his wife are coming over to help. That's borderline embarrassing as they certainly were not in any implied category of friends that have not offered help - these two (Ken & Wen) didn't even know anything was wrong! - So my casual comment on friendship may have back-fired or at least caused a reaction in the very people that ARE good friends! In addition my very good friend John Oliver is coming over sometime soon to chainsaw a tree trunk (after a fallen tree incident a few weeks ago).
Back to original blog post:
I think I may do a separate post about friendship ...
As for my own family, with the possible exception of one of my (grown-up) children they are completely unperturbed and disinterested in our lives generally, let alone any health or personal difficulties - so any caring from friends is as us Londoners might say - well-appreciated.
One of the reasons that my posting output has gone up is because I do not do Facebook and to a degree this blog can replace the personal contact that FB can offer and (so far at least) with none of the adverts.
After a few paragraphs of digression ...
Health-wise I am still without a firm diagnosis - why? Simple and dreadful really - the MRI that I had some week to 10 days ago is still not present on the NHS system and I am caught between who is lying and I cannot believe that it is the doctor. I have been definitely and categorically told that the results were emailed through from CARE UK but the doctor maintains that they have not got them and she said she checked before my appointment. It looks as though I have bursitis (see previous posts re what it is).
Yesterday I asked how long for a recovery - "How long's a piece of string" was the answer from the doctor. I mentioned (I think) in an earlier post that the radiologist let slip as she put it - "oh there's no cure for frozen shoulder". On The Web there are loads of 'cures' - you can view numerous YouTube and other videos claiming all sorts of miraculous cures (especially from America). I am unlikely to go for any of the 'spin'.
Well I am getting bored here - so you certainly will be. - Apologies.
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