What makes me different?

Picture above: A greyscale version of Rodin's famous "THINKER".

How many times have I heard the phrase "you over-think stuff" from friends? Quite a few times I would think. How many times have I heard something like "ooh I wouldn't have done that - that'll upset somebody". "Why are you so open?" "Nobody wants to hear about that private stuff." "Why are you so emotional?" "You take things too seriously." "Pity that your glass is half-empty".

So what makes me tick (as if anybody gives a damn - ha ha)?

At the heart of it all is my sense of justice - what is fair and right. I always try to listen - I fail a fair amount too - I admit - but the theory is there. I am interested in people, their problems, current issues (politically and personal).

Yes, I have become increasingly cynical - especially about politicians - who as a generalisation (which none of us should ever do of course) are in it for themselves. Our present local MP is an example (well that's my experience - hopefully not others).

When I initiated and for a time led a local anti-windfarm group I was astounded at the level of self-interest and lack of transparency that abounded especially from local people and local Councillors.

The deal basically and typically with windfarms (whether you believe in their efficacy or not) is as follows:

• Local landowners (typically farmers - who are sometimes hard-pressed to find new sources of income) are secretly signed-up behind the locals' backs to erect turbines on their land. They are promised very financially advantageous deals as long as they keep everything secret.
• Sometimes many years will go by and a group of landowners are sitting waiting for the developer to pounce. Often those very landowners are local Councillors who in a sense have a double incentive to get the windfarm built. Why?
• The deal is usually that the developer (in the name of green technology) will in addition to delivering a financial windfall (excuse the pun) will also promise to give a lump sum - some may say a bribe - to local councils for them to use as they might say 'for a good cause' - which could be almost anything that that council chooses and in itself could enrich local councillors directly or indirectly depending on how devious they might be.
• To my astonishment (how naive was I?) in my local instance one Councillor who, I understand was the brother-in-law - meaning his sister was married to a signed-up local farmer did not realise (his words) that he ought to have declared an interest in a particular windfarm planning application which he was pushing to get through.
• My local Council wanted the windfarm because of all the personal and arguably local 'benefits'.
• To help their case (and bear in mind that these people are not generally I.T. savvy) got some twit to put on their Council website a 'vote-o-meter' - meaning that it was like a swingometer type dial that would, in theory reflect local people's views about having a windfarm. If I tell you that there were no normal I.T. precautions attached to that 'dial' so that I could vote a dozen times and so could anyone else including the developers and the dial would reflect this - so pretty quickly this dial swung well in favour of a windfarm (no doubt as the developers, interested signed-up farmers, interested Councillors and so on - all played this silly 'bend the dial' game with impunity - well they did for a while - and of course this sort of outrageous intervention could easily have affected the eventual outcome as people do not want to go against something that they see the majority wants).
• I complained bitterly to the District Council about manipulation and rather slowly, but eventually this gadget was removed.
• The rest is history in that the Planning Authority eventually unanimously rejected the application - BUT it could come back anytime (when the 'climate' is right). This is possibly why a local man (a Councillor) currently (August 2018) is trying to sell his property that if and when the windfarm does get planning approval - he will not own the leisure facility that will look straight at a 115 metre turbine (well a minimum of four and probably a lot more too - ruining a beautiful local landscape).

So yes - I am inclined towards cynicism - I am inclined not to trust people. Having said that I do generally and on a one-to-one personal basis meet people and try to assume that they are decent but I have to say - almost to a person, every Councillor (or other person in public office) I have ever met has been found out as having more of his or her own personal interests at heart rather than the community's.

I was brought up to believe that we here in Britain were lucky and different from others overseas in that we were principled, honest, decent, honourable, transparent and so on. My dad was proud to be British. He told me how lucky I was to be British. However, he like me, many times in his life was in trouble because he discovered corruption and inefficiency etc and he was, like me, keen on exposing same. So I am made a bit in my dad's image.

My dad:

• He'd cry listening to opera. I do.
• He'd say the truth about someone or something and he was sent up for it at the least and sometimes ridiculed and occasionally threatened as a result of his truth-speak. Same here.
• He'd always help somebody out if he could and he thought that they were genuine. Same here.
• If he saw a large, say dog hair on a smart woman's skirt as she stood at the bar - he'd try to flick it off without attracting anyone's attention - I have seen him do it. No I wouldn't but I'd possibly tell her politely depending on how big her husband was.
• He was very uninhibited. Same here.
• He had a great sense of irony, dark humour and satire. Same here. 
• He showed no deference to anyone but he knew about and showed respect but only if deserved. Me too.
• He could mix in any company without being intimidated or unnatural; I try to emulate that.
• He was rather eccentric. I may be too.
• He suffered from mental illness here and there. Me? - Hope not - but have sure come close and am very sympathetic to anyone in that position.

My mum:

• Had a great sense of humour. I'd like to think me too. 
• Was deeply caring. I try.

So, in conclusion, not only do I think that I am different from a lot of people (and suffer accordingly) but I see things very differently from many too - meaning, for example - I try to focus on the suffering that most refugees have had to face when trying to flee their country which may be at war, I am not inclined to focus on how they might be trying to rip Britain off. Having said that, I openly and freely confess (I don't see this as any great admission) that I voted to come out of Europe as I cannot see that it is a responsible government that sets a system up to have unlimited and uncontrolled and non-selective immigration (I don't care what colour they are or where they are from).

Prejudice:

I have no issue with colour, race or religious background. Having said that, as a former Christian (well at best an agnostic) I am now a self-proclaimed atheist and I have little time for the way that religious 'groups' suppress the population or genders - whether that be the pomp and pageantry of The Roman Catholic and High English church or the man first, woman second approach as I see it of The Muslim and some other faiths.

Politics:

I am left of centre but I am honest enough to say that I have voted for all three major parties at various times in my life.

Family:

I have three grown-up children. I have an increasingly good relationship with two of them and almost no relationship with the third. They were 'brought-up' by my ex-wife but I have maintained contact with them throughout their lives. I am now a grandparent of two (soon to be four) wonderful children whom I see as often as their parents facilitate.

My wife:

She distances herself from this blog thus I should say little or nothing about her I suppose - except that I love her and she loves me but throughout my life I have, as a heterosexual male, always noticed attractive and/or interesting women and each and every girlfriend/partner/wife has been aware of this but it hasn't stopped me loving the person that I am with and I am getting very much better at being faithful and my present wife holds the world record for longevity in all respects - being together, marriage, faithfulness and mostly, happiness (but I can be a shit sometimes but I can also apolgise).

Openness:

Anyone reading this (whole blog) will by now know that I am, to most people's taste, far too open for my own good and possibly for others too. So what?

That's enough of bearing my soul for a while I think. I don't care a great deal if you like me or not but I would be disappointed if you did not respect me as I will you (until you piss me off that is - sorry for the language). Good luck readers (are there any??)!